If Bella didn't Jump
by lishha
Summary: What if Bella never jumped of the cliff? If Alice never saw her 'commiting suicide' and her life had continued with Jacob? Would she have fallen for Jake? And what would happen if and when Edward did come back? First FanFiction. I don't own Twilight.
1. Chapter 1

**Note: Hello :) First Fanfiction. This is set in new moon, around the time Bella decides cliff diving is a good idea. I don't own twilight, or any of the characters, unfortunately. Also form the beginning of this chapter up until ' "No, Bella" was written, and is owned by Stephanie Meyer. I'm not claiming to have written, or own it in any way shape or form, it's just there to set the scene for my story. From that point n the quality of writing goes WAY downhill, but hey, I did my best. Would appreciate reviews, good, bad and ugly :) thanks, and enjoy.**

**1**

I stepped out to the edge keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it... waiting.

"Bella"

I smiled and exhaled.

_Yes?_ I didn't answer out loud, for fear that the sound of my voice would shatter this beautiful illusion. He sounded so real, so close. It was only when he was disapproving like this that I could hear the true memory of his voice - the velvet texture and the musical intonation that made up the most perfect of all his voices.

"Don't do this" He pleaded.

_You wanted me to be human_, I reminded him. _Well watch me._

"Please. For me."

_But you won't stay with me any other way._

"Please." It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched my clothes – making me as wet as if this were my second jump of the day. I rolled up onto the balls of my feet.

"No, Bella!"

Two voices called me.

I froze on the edge of the cliff, as Jacobs voice shattered the little sanctuary I'd made myself amongst the wind and rain.

"Bells, are you crazy?!"

I laughed, with no trace of humour._ I'm just jumping of cliffs to hear the voice of the boy I'm in love with, who's too good for me, and has all but forgotten I existence. Don't worry, I'm totally sane._

With effort, I turned to face Jake, and put on the nearest I could come to a 'this-is-just-for-fun' face.

"Me, crazy? Nope. Just cliff diving Jake. Remember? No-one was around and I was bored so I thought I may as well, you know, give it a go."

My explanation trickled off as I saw the amazement on Jacobs face. Then he smiled _my_ smile, shook his head and gave a barking laugh. "You _are_ mad. Course, I already knew that." he said as he gave me a wink, walking to my side and taking both of my hands in his. "Have you not noticed it's turning into a hurricane out there?"

I peered into the sea beneath us. Holy crap. I had been that hung up on hearing the sound of Edwards voice that I hadn't even begun to consider what would happen when I actually hit the water. There's no way I could have swum in that, for sure. I could, no _would_, have been killed.

"Oh." was all I could say. I was pathetic. I just nearly killed myself, so I could hear _his _voice. What would it have don to Charlie? Renee? Jacob?

Before I knew it, my arms were wrapped round around my chest and I was bent in double. But this was a different kind of pain. I didn't hurt for the way he'd left me. I was hurting for Jake. For my mom and Charlie. For all the things I put them through, for what I'd almost done. And at that moment, for a second, I knew that I could be happy. Somewhere, in the far and distant future I could see me being happy without _him_. Getting married, having kids, the whole ordeal. Of course, I knew it was never going to come close to those few short months I'd spent with, I smiled, _Edward_. It was a relief to think his name. It would always be second best, I would always know that there was something better, but as long as I was honest about that, explained it properly, I knew it was possible. And I knew Jake would have me. Damaged goods, as is. He'd understand. Because of course Jake was the one who I could be happy with. The one who could take my shred of a life and turn it into something that was a faint echo of the happiness I knew.

"Bella! Bells, c'mon. What's wrong?! Bella!" Jacobs worried voice cut through the little image in my head, but my resolve stayed strong.

" I'm fine," I gasped. "Jake, we need to talk"


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

Jacob insisted on getting me back to his house before he'd listen to me.

After I was changed, dry and allowed him to force a steaming coffee into my hand, he looked me I the eye, and asked nervously "So, what do we need to talk about...?"

"I... Jake...We..." I leant forward and took his hand. This was going to be difficult.

"Jake, I'm going to try and explain this the best I can, but it's going to be hard. I love you Jake. You're my best friend, your the person I'm closest to in the whole world. Since... After the.. Cullens left, you _are_ my world. No, you're my sun. You make everything, okay, and I can't live without you."

I looked him in the eye. His expression was confused. Clearly, this wasn't what he was expecting.

"You know I feel the same, Bells. You've always known that."

He wasn't getting it, apparently.

"No Jake. I will _never_ be able to live without you. Not now, not in ten, twenty, thirty years. I want to grow old with you, Jacob" I mumbled. I felt the blush flood my face, and a lump rise in my throat.

Realisation set in on his face.

"I... Huh... What? Explain, please?"

"I'm going to tell you everything. Every last detail, I swear. Please, don't freak out, Jake, or be offended. I've been so selfish, but I'm glad I was. Because otherwise we would have happened"

"I promise."

I took a deep breath, then began to explain.

"I realised something on top of the cliffs today. I finally realised that he, that... Edward, isn't coming back. Not now, not ever."

Jacobs face fell, and he moved to comfort me.

"No, no, Jake. I'm not sad. I'm relieved. I know it's sounds stupid, but I didn't realise that up until this afternoon, how much I had been clinging to the hope that he would come back for me. That he'd show up at my door and tell me how much of a mistake he'd made, and that he loved me. And everyday it hasn't happened it made me hope harder and harder, and the more I hoped the more I struggled to live my life. For so long I've not been able to do anything, anything at all that deep down I didn't believe would somehow lead me to _him_."

"No Bella, you're wrong. What about the motorbikes? The cliff diving? They had nothing to do with him. You were getting better, everyday."

I shook my head and smiled a sad little smile

"No Jake. I found whenever I did anything... reckless_, _anything that got adrenaline pumping round my system, I could... I could, well, I could hear his voice. In my head. Telling me not to, telling me he cared."

I couldn't look Jake in the eye. I felt his knuckles tighten under my finger tips and his body shook, ever so slightly. I waited for him to calm down and then carried on.

"But today I realised that it's never going to happen. I'll never be that happy again, because he isn't coming back. Jake, I will always love him. He was my whole life. But that was then. This is my new life, and the only way I can be happy is to work with what I've got."

"So what, you're saying I'll do. That you're _settling_ with me?" He spat the words out, disgusted. His face was twisted into a mask of pain and anger and he pulled his hands from under mine. How could he think that he meant so little?

"No! This isn't me settling, you've got it wrong. You are perfect for me in the world I thought I lived in, Jake. The world without magic and legends, vampires and werewolves. And I've already tried my life out in the world of magic, and you might of noticed, it didn't turn out so well." I could hear the note of hysteria rising in my voice. I was thinking about _him_ too much. I had to make Jake understand. I took a deep breath to steady me, and then continued. "So, I'm starting things over again. Jacob, you are _not_ my settling. You're my second chance."

And then, before I could explain to him the rest, before I could say another word, he was by my side, my face in his hands.

"I love you too," he whispered.

Then he kissed me.


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

Fifteen minutes later, that's how Sam found us. Arm's wrapped around each other, mid-embrace. As soon as our lips touched, I realised just how much I loved Jacob. In how many ways I loved him. It didn't just make sense to be with him _that _way. I wanted to be_. "_Jake? I've got news, about Harry" yelled Sam, as he burst through the door. "The hospital called, and... Oh, Sorry" He stopped in the door way as he clocked what me and Jake were doing.

" I didn't realise that you were... busy," He apologised sheepishly.

"It's fine" Jake chuckled, a huge grin spreading across his face. I felt my cheeks burn, as the blood rushed to them. We got to our feet.

Immediately, Sam's face mirrored Jacobs. He shook his hand, and then pulled me into a fleeting hug. "So the vampire girl has finally turned?" he laughed.

I could only give him an answering smile. No need to explain. He would know all of the details as soon as Jacob phased anyway.

"You were saying about Harry...?" Jacob asked.

"Oh. Yeah." Sam's face fell.

"What's happened? You said hospital." I asked. Harry was in hospital? What happened?

"You don't know?" Sam asked. "This morning Harry had a heart attack. They got him to hospital, but Billy called. He passed away, twenty minutes ago."

Oh no. No, no no. Poor Harry. Poor Sue. And Leah and Seth. What would they do without a Dad? And what about Billy? And Charlie? He was one of their best friends.

"Oh, Sam. I'm so sorry." He just nodded. His eyes brimmed with tears, and he took slow, deep, breaths. "It still hasn't sunk in. Billy and Charlie stayed at the hospital, with Sue. I think I should make my way there. There might be something can do. For Seth, or... Leah."

Jake nodded and followed him to the door.

I started to hunt my possessions down, that had become scattered around Jacobs living room, and dug my truck key out of the sodden pocket of my jeans. I looked up when Jacob came back into the room. "You don't have to leave, you know. Billy won't mind, he probably won't even notice."

"No, I should go. I want to be there when Charlie gets home."

"Oh, okay. I'll drive you."

"Jake, no. Billy needs you to be here. I'll see you soon, I promise."

"Fine. Call me when you get back? So I know you're safe.

"'Kay"

I smiled and kissed him goodbye. This was going to take some getting used to.

I didn't pay attention to the blur of green forest around me on the way home. Instead, I thought about Jacob. I'd made the right decision, hadn't I? Jacob was right for me. I knew that. But what if, just maybe, _he_ did come back? What would I do? Had I just made sure I'd hurt Jake more than ever? _It's fine Bella, _I told myself._ Just be happy, that's what he'd want_. Happy? I was getting there, working with what I had. I'd chosen Jacob. But what if one day, I had more to work with than I let myself imagine. Then who would I choose?

As I pulled into Charlie's drive alongside the cruisers usual spot, I shook my head. It was never going to happen. I put all thought about Jacob, and decisions that I was never going to have to make to the back of my head. Charlie needed me. Right now, that's all that mattered.

**Okay, so I have more written, But I wanna know if it's worth uploading before I do. No point wasting everyone's time and all. So you've had the first three chapters, and if you want the rest, please review to let me know :) If not, no sweat, I'll make my friends read it. Thanks again. Remember folks, I don't own any of twilight, the characters or any other Stephenie Meyer pure gold genius stuff. 'kay? :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again. First of all I would like to say a massive, massive, massive thank you to the following people, for the'r reviews, adds to favourite stories and author,and for reading my mediocre stories. You guys deserve medals, and you totally made my day. Thankyou.** **- Jacinda L. ** **- bon3kkrush3r ** **- BarbieMobile ** **- icecat642 ** **- Alexis St. Claire ** **- cheerbaker ** **- 1ceinabluemoon ** **- battousai-clau ** **- reddragon09 ** **And also a big thank you to anyone who reads/reviews/adds this story after I've written this note :)** **Like every other twilight fan-fictioner, however much I like to pretend, I don't own twilight :/** **I'll upoload the rest soon, seen as some people enjoyed the first three chapters.** **Thanks, again.** **Peace out guys :)**

**4**

Over the next few days I split my time between Jacob and Charlie the best I could. Whenever Charlie travelled over to La Push to visit Sue, with Billy, and help with the funeral arrangements, I rode with him. Charlie didn't comment on this, until one of the days, Jake came out to help Billy into the car, and greeted me with a full on kiss. After working up the strength to gently shake Jacob off, I turned and looked sheepishly at my dad. He sat there, laughing to himself.

"What did I tell you, Charlie. The pair of them are at it."

I felt my jaw drop. What did he just say?

Charlie chuckled harder.

"Billy!" I screeched. "We are **not** _at it."_

"C'mon, Bells. He's joking. Be a good sport." Charlie said. He looked the happiest I'd seen him in a long time, so I let it drop. "I'm glad you two have finally got together, especially in hard times like these. Good on you, Jacob."

Charlie winked and shook Jakes hand.

Why did everyone insist on doing that? Like he'd solved global warming or something. Jeez, we were just dating. For now.

We turned to go into the house but Charlie called me back.

"I'll catch you in a minute," I told Jacob.

"What's up, dad?" I asked.

"I'm happy for you Bella. I really am." he said awkwardly. He was as uncomfortable about expressing his feelings as I was.

"Thanks"

"He's good for you, Bell. He'll make you happy. Don't hurt him." He was almost pleading in his last sentence.

"I - how -" Charlie's expression stopped me defending myself. "I know. I _know_."

He gave me a smile and a nod.

"Bye, Bells."

"Bye Dad, love you. Bye Billy."

I watched them drive off.

Crap. So know I was getting warnings from Charlie about hurting Jake? Charlie, of all people? As if I wasn't worried about it enough. I made my way up the little path, shaking my head.

"What'd Charlie want?" Jacob asked as I walked in the door, pulling me into his body, and putting is arms around my waist.

"Just to tell me he's happy for us" I said.

Jake smiled. "I'm happy for us. I feel like I've been waiting for this my whole life."

I rested my head on his chest, wishing I could tell him the same.

I spent the morning watching T.V and hanging around Jacobs house. He was in and out constantly, getting updates from the pack, and running the line where Victoria had last been found. I hated it. I know Jake had to do this, that it was for my good. But for the past few days, I hadn't had much time to think about Victoria. Between looking after Charlie, spending time with Jake and grieving for Harry, Victoria had taken a back seat. I was still terrified,of course. But it wasn't constantly at the forefront of my mind. Now however, alone in Jacobs house, it was all I could think about.

When Jacob burst through the door, I jumped to my feet and a strangled yelp escaped my mouth.

"I'm back. Hey, Bells. What's wrong?" I sat down and tried to steady my heartbeat, calm my breathing.

"Nothing, I'm fine" I lied, too quickly. Jake didn't need me making him feel guilty about leaving me alone, as well as everything else he was doing for me.

" Bella, I can hear your heart from here. What's wrong? Tell me, please?" Jacob looked at me with pleading eyes.

It was a request, not an order. I caved. I always caved, I'm a sucker for guilt trips.

"I can't help thinking... worrying... about Victoria." I mumbled, biting my bottom lip.

"Oh Bells, honey. That's just dumb. One lone vampire for a pack of our size is no trouble. You don't need to be worried, I swear."

"But Jake. She's so, so, so..." I searched for the right word. "Evil. She's horrible, and vicious, and relentless, and can't stand the though of you anywhere near her! What if you get hurt?" I pleaded. "I've been sat here all day, and it's all I can think of."

Jake wrapped me in one of his bear hugs, that all but crushed my lungs.

"Can't - breathe – Jake"

He released my, just a little

"Bella, no one is going to get hurt. I haven't caught a trace of her all day, so you can stop worrying."

I exhaled, and tried to believe his words.

"And I'm taking the rest of the day off. From now, until Billy and Charlie get back, it's just the two of us, together."

Jake insisted that he didn't do anything more for the pack that day, so while he went outside to phase and explain to Sam, I hurried upstairs and washed my face, to try and calm myself down. I really needed to get a grip with controlling these feelings. I couldn't force Jacob into spending his every waking hour with me, it wasn't fair. When I came out of the bathroom, he was waiting for me on the landing. He took my hand but, instead of heading downstairs, like I expected, he led me into his tiny room. I opened my mouth to ask what we were doing here, but before I could get any words out, he kissed me passionately. He pulled me onto the bed next to him, and kissed my neck. We rolled over, and suddenly he was on top of me. I met his eyes. I could see the desire there.

"Do you want to?" he whispered.

For a second I thought. _Yes _I decided. I wanted to _be _with Jacob more than anything at that moment in time. I nodded, reaching for my shirt buttons. And we didn't speak another word for the rest of the afternoon. It was like he said – just the two of us, together.


	5. Chapter 5

**5**

"I love you, Bella"

"Love you too, Jacob"

We were laid in his bed, his arms wrapped round my waist, hands resting on my stomach, and his chin on my shoulder.

I looked at the tiny electronic alarm clock by Jakes window. 3:43pm. Charlie and Billy would be back in less than an hour. We should probably get dressed, go downstairs, and make it look like we'd spent our day doing something respectable.

I said this to Jacob.

"I guess you're right." He replied, half-heartedly.

I knew how he felt. I wanted to stay here forever. The only thing that was pushing me to move was the part of my that was yearning for a different set of arms. The part that was shouting louder and louder. I turned to face Jake. "Thank you" I told him, as I kissed the end of his nose. He just smiled at me and shook his head.

Once I was showered, fully dressed, and presentable, I decided I may as well start on making dinner here. I made sense to make sure Billy had a proper meal in him once in a while, too.

Jacob helped, and we were just putting the food on the table when Charlie pushed Billy through the door.

"Something smells good?" Charlie called.

"Don't tell me Jacob has been cooking? There'll be nothing left of my kitchen"

Billy gave a throaty chuckle and appeared at the kitchen door.

"Spag Bol," I announced with a smile.

"Great. Perfect timing, eh?"

I nodded, as we all sat around the table. We ate in a comfortable silence, everyone hungrily shovelling food into their mouths.

After all but licking his plate clean Billy gave us the news. " It's the funeral tomorrow."

I looked at Charlie. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, it's fine. You kids stay here. We're going to be spending the most of the time at Sue's, for the foreseeable future. To be honest, Bells, the rest of your spring break will probably be a repeat of today, if you don't mind?"

Me and Jacob looked at each other, and thought of the past couple of hours.

"No." I smiled. "I don't mind at all."


	6. Chapter 6

**6**

As predicted, that day soon became my routine until the last day of my spring break. The last day of my freedom with Jake. Tomorrow I would go back to Forks high. Back to the little buildings that reminded me constantly of my old life. I wasn't looking forward to it.

"I wish we didn't have to go back to school" Jake moaned.

"I know" I didn't want to go back to the normality. The boring drone of school work, homework, the calculus test I hadn't studied for, putting on a brave face for people, when all I wanted was to be with Jake.

"You'll come visit me, after school? I asked

"For as long as you'll have me."

I was comforted by this. We spent our last hour together talking about school, and how we were going to see each other. It scared me how much I was coming to rely on Jacob.

That I struggled to go a day without seeing him. I thought I'd relied on him _before_ we became a couple, (which still sounded odd, in my head). But now, it was so much more than that. When he left, he took a part with him. I should have been only half a person, if life made sense. Or riveted with holes, the number of people who were walking around with pieces of me. Jacob..., Edward. I shook my head and shoved the thought to the back of my head.

"Good spring break, Bella?" I looked at Angela Webber, who had asked the question.

"Actually, yes, thank you, Ange. You?"

"A bit quiet, you know. Same old, same old. What did you get up to?"

I felt my cheeks blush. " I, er, hung out with my... friend, Jacob."

She caught the tone in my voice and let the subject drop with a surprised smile.

Other than that, school had been the same. It was just something that had to be done, endured. In the evenings I spent all my time with Jacob. Sometimes we'd just relax, do homework, talk and hang around the house, or go for drives in the Rabbit, and walks on First beach. But then, when Charlie went to Sue's or Billy's, Jake would take my hand and lead me upstairs. I was beginning to live for those nights. We wouldn't always have sex. Sometimes, we'd just lay on my bed, Jacobs arms wrapped around me, his fingers tracing circles around my navel, and I feel safe. Complete. Like I belonged in that spot. That was, until Jake went home. Then I'd have this pang of guilt, just remembering how I used to spend my night, my whole night, like that. Just not with Jacob. But I was getting better at handling it. The dreams about him had stopped almost altogether, and by the morning, when Jacob phoned me like every other day, I was fine, and _he_ was almost forgotten. Or rather, I wasn't thinking about him.

And that's how life stayed for the next three weeks. A split schedule between school and Jacob. Charlie was spending more and more time down at La Push, though I still cooked him dinner ever night. I was happy with it. I still saw him everyday and it meant I got to spend more and more time alone with Jake. Finally, I felt like life was good, and things were going my way.


	7. Chapter 7

**7**

It was Saturday morning. I was meeting Jake at his house, in half an hour. Or I was supposed to be anyway. But right now, I had my head stuck down the toilet, and was throwing up the breakfast that I 'd only just forced down my throat. Thank God Charlie was fishing today. He never knew what to with himself when I was ill. "Crap," I wailed. "There goes my weekend." Slowly, so I didn't make myself sick again, I made my way downstairs, to the phone, and dialled the number from memory.

"Hello?"

"Jake" I croaked

"Bella! You okay? You sound kinda different."

"Well, actually, no. I think I'm ill. I'm not going to be able to make it today."

"Oh" I could almost hear his face fall.

"Do you want me to come over to you?" he asked.

"No, I wish you could, but you'll probably just get what I have. And I'll just be sleeping all day."

"Are you sure? I don't mind."

"No Jake. I'll call you when I feel better. Love you."

"Love you too, Bells. Bye"

"Bye"

I heard the click on his end of the phone and then put the receiver back. I took careful steps back to bathroom, taking my seat next to the toilet, and waited for the nausea to hit me. After a few moments, when it was still missing, I sat up. This was odd. For that past few days I'd felt ill in the mornings. I half expected to get ill in the next few days. But now it was over. It didn't make any sense.

Urgh. My head started to ache dully. I stood up and reached for some paracetamol from the bathroom cabinet. As I did, knocked a box of tampons to the floor. As I went to pick them up, I had a moment of realisation. Then panic hit me. Maybe I wasn't being sick because I was ill. What if...? I sat on the floor, and tried to figure out if this could be right. What was the date? The 20th. I counted in my head. And then I counted again. And again. I'd reached 7 counts before I decided that I was sure. I was a week late.

I needed proof. I ran downstairs, grabbed my coat and the keys to my truck and set out for the drug store.

30 seconds. 20. 10. It was time. I picked up the little white stick, and stared at the little blue plus sign. Oh, crap. I put my third and final pregnancy test on the edge of the sink, and held my head in my hands. What was I going to do? I never wanted to be _that _girl. The one who got knocked up my her boyfriend straight out of high school. I was supposed to be more responsible. I was the one who had to take care of everything, who knew what she was doing. Well, not right now I wasn't.

I needed to talk to someone. I cleared up the bathroom, disposed of all the evidence of my recent revelation and went and switched on the ancient computer in my room. As it whirred to life, I thought about what I could say to Renee. Wasn't this really something you did face to face? But unless I make a ticket to Florida appear out of thin air...? Hang on. I could make a ticket to Florida appear. Cautiously, I wandered over to my wardrobe. For the first time in months I looked at the black bin liner stuffed in the back of my wardrobe. Gingerly, I fished around inside until I found what I was looking for. Would it be wrong to use them? They were a gift, right? It wasn't my fault that the person I was supposed t use them with was no longer around. So I took Jake with me, instead. Big Deal.

I shook my head.

No. I'd go alone. I had to talk to Renee, before anything else. Even before I talked to Jake.

For the rest of the week, I decided to play sick. I was positive that if I went to school, somebody would realise. It couldn't just be my eyes imagining the growing bump of my stomach, surely? I explained to Charlie about the plane tickets and that, if I felt up to it I'd be setting off to see Renee on Friday morning, and be back Sunday night. After a little persuasion, he was fine with the plan. Now all had to do was tell Jacob.

"Hey, Jake" I said as he answered his phone with a grunt.

"Bella! Oh thank god, I've been going crazy with boredom without you. I missed you so much."

"I know, me too."

"So you're finally feeling better?"

"Mostly. But that's not really the reason I called. I just wanted to tell you something."

"Oh, okay. Shoot?"

"Well, I'm going to Florida. To visit Renee. I'll be gone for a couple of days. I'm leaving tomorrow morning."

"Oh." God I hated making him sad. "That's... that's great Bella." he lied, trying to keep his voice upbeat. "How come?"

"Well, I got given plane tickets last year for my birthday from... Phil, and Renee seems kinda down in her emails so, you know, I thought I'd try and cheer her up."

"Sounds good. Tell me I can come see you before you leave?"

I mulled it over for a second. I was terrified he'd notice a change in me. What if he wanted to have sex? What would I tell him? _You're being ridiculous, Bella, _I thought. And besides, I didn't know if I could wait until Monday afternoon to see Jake again. I missed him so much.

"'Course"

"Good" He laughed. "I'll be there in 10 minutes."


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey, hey. The next three chapters are not very long, or of amazing quality (yes, it's possible for my writing to get even worse, apologies). I just felt like I needed to add a few bits and bats in, and it turned into this. Although, I have to say, I like a couple of the lines from chapter 9, but it may simply be because I love Jacob, (No offence . I ship Bella/Edward, but Jacob is lovely.) I plan to upload the final five chapters in the next day or two, for anyone who can battle through the next three. Thank you so much for all the amazing responses, feedback and ways to improve. And finally, I don't own twilight *sob*, I simply fell in love with it. :)**

**8**

I sat, staring blindly out of my window, in my seat, barely noticing the towns, cities, motorways and houses dotted out beneath me, as the plane jetted onwards towards Jacksonville. As usual, I was thinking about Jacob. Last night I had hated to say goodbye. We'd spent such a good night together. Charlie had been out, so I cooked us dinner. It had been unusually warm, and dry, so we'd eaten outside, under the stars. And then when it got cooler, I had Jake to keep me warm, and we had laid in the middle of Charlie's lawn, talking and laughing until we heard his Cruiser pull up out front. I glad I saw him one last time, before I left. As well as meaning I got to say goodbye properly, It gave me hope. Hope that, whatever I felt when I came back from Florida, whatever decision Renee had drummed into me, I felt that Jake would always love me. I knew he wouldn't mind tat I hadn't told him straight away. He'd always be there, solid continuous, reliable. Forever.


	9. Chapter 9

**9**

**Jacob**

Oh, god. This weekend was going to be too long. I'd had half a day without Bella, and I already thought I as going to kill myself. It was okay when I knew she was on the other end of the phone. When I knew I could just run to her house and see her. But Florida for christs sakes. Even as a wolf, I had no chance.

"Jeez, Jake, you're pathetic. It's been what, like, and hour since she left, and your already missing vampire girl. You only run with us nowadays when she can't put up with you any more."

"Shut up, Leah."

"Oh my god. I wasn't being serious! You are, aren't you? You're missing your leech lover?"

"If you call her that one more time I'll..."

"You'll what Jake? Take a snap at me? Tell _Sam_?" She laughed in my face. I felt the heat rise up my spine.

"Piss off, Leah." I snapped.

She pulled a face and uttered something under her breath. I picked out the word 'bloodsucker'.

"And speaking of Sam." I said, standing up. "At least _I'm_ missing someone who I know is missing me back."

I didn't wait around long enough to hear her reply. I ran into the tree's, stripped naked and phased. I was gonna have hell to pay for that. I knew I'd been harsh, but when Bella was gone, all I had to occupy me was the pack. I didn't need Leah rubbing it in my face every two minutes as well. On T.V, you always hear about how guys 'need space in a relationship.' Well I sure didn't. In fact, I hated it. Maybe she was right, maybe I was pathetic. Before knew it I was turning round and running the way I'd just come. This path had become worn and too easy to follow, since we started patrolling it. It covered where the leech was trying to get in. Get to Bella. God, how I wish I could find it. Especially now Bella was out of town. I knew how much it worried her, that the bloodsucker would get passed us. I laughed aloud at the idea of it, then heard Quil and Embry phase.

"Sheesh, Jake, well done on the Leah front." Quil whined. "She almost scared half the reservation to death, amount of shrieking she's doing."

"Ah, crap. Is Sam mad?"

"Mad doesn't come close, mate" Embry chimed in. "He's trying to calm her down, he sent us to come find you."

"I kinda guessed as much. You guys'll help out, if he actually tries to kill me, right?"

They both laughed.

"Hang on. I'll meet you in the clearing about a mile north from where I am. I could do with all the time I can find. I'm not looking forward to this."

I was the first one there, and phased and dressed before the the two arrived. God, I was fast. When they finally caught up, Quil and Embry flung there bodies down either side of me.

"So what does Sam know?"

"Just that you pissed Leah off, so bad, by saying something about her and Sam."

Of course, they already knew exactly what happened, they'd heard it while we were running.

"I can see your point, Jake, but was it really worth it?"

"I know, I know. I felt guilty as soon as I -"

I jumped to my feet and sniffed the air, quicker than the other two.

_Vampire._

It was her. It was the same scent. I looked at the my two best friends.

"I'm going after her!" I roared, and turned on my heel.

"Jake wait. We're coming with you."

"No. Get the others. Quil, go find Sam, tell him what happened. He won't hear if we howl, He's busy with Leah" _Damn. Me and my big mouth._

I turned to look at Embry. " Wait here. Call the others. Follow as soon as you can."

They both nodded, and without bothering to undress, I turned, phased and set of in pursuit, my nose wrinkled in disgust.


	10. Chapter 10

**10**

**Embry**

_C'mon guys_. I howled again, louder this time. Where the hell were they? I could her Jakes thoughts, so I knew he was okay, but we were still the only two phased. If he found her before the rest turned up, I don't know if I could make it in time...?

And then, finally.

"What's happened?" I heard Paul think.

I replayed the scene for him in my head.

"Damn. And Jacobs gone after her, on his own?"

"Yeah."

"Crap. I'm gonna follow him, see if I can help. Stay here and wait for the others?"

"Will do. If anything happens though, I'll be on my way."

Ten minutes later, after having the same conversation with anyone Quil hadn't found first, I was finally on my way to join the pursuit. I could smell her through Jakes thought's, and she was definitely getting closer. Not concentrating on my own surroundings I studied his head, and watched through his eyes, listening to his every movement.

"What the _hell_?" I heard him think.

I immediately understood Jakes confusion. The scent changed. It mixed. But it got stronger. A lot stronger. Holy crap, there were more of them. I ran harder. One bloodsucker the pack could handle, easy, but four, five, six? That might be a challenge.

And then I didn't need to be able to read his mind to hear Jakes anger.

But I could. I could hear the fury in his thoughts. Feel the pain in his nose and mouth, and feel his hackles on end.

He was stood in a clearing facing twenty or so vampires. Alone.

**I know, I know, it's rather pathetic. I did my best, and was simply writing for enjoyment. If you're reading this note, it probably means you read the last three chapters, and you haven't gouged your eyes out, so thank you. A lot. :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**11**

**Jacob**

She heard me, or smelled me or whatever, before she saw me.

"Nice of you to join us," the leech simpered, as I raced around the corner. God, I'd kill her just for the tone of her voice, never mind that she was trying to destroy the girl I was in love with.

Holy crap. I skidded to a stop. I tried to count the bodies in front of me. Why had I been so stupid? I was facing twenty-odd vampires, with the pack miles away.

I could hear Sam in my head, above all the others.

"Stall, Jacob. Distract her. We'll be there. Soon."

I racked my brains. How do you distract a leech?

"So you're the little mutt who's being giving me bother?" she laughed, as if she couldn't believe _I'd _caused her trouble.

She was laughing at me?

_Stupid bitch._

I'd show her. A snarl escaped my throat.

"Now, now" she warned. Obviously, she knew I could understand her.

Did she have powers too?

Could she hear my thoughts?

_Hey ginger? _I taunted. _If you can hear me, then you'll know how easy it's going to be for me to kill you. How much I'm going to enjoy single handedly pulling you piece to piece. _

"Not so tough without your friends, are you? Thinking about leaving?"

Maybe not a mind reader then. I barked harsh humourless laugh to how her she was wrong.

She began moving forward, expecting me to back down. I glanced over my shoulder, willing for the voices in my head telling me that the pack weren't arriving for another minute and a half to be wrong, but stayed where I was.

"Wondering if she's worth it? You're little human friend."

I felt a roar erupt within my chest. I fought to control myself. She _wanted_ to provoke me._ Breathe, Jacob. Just relax. _

"I seem to have hit a nerve?" she laughed. She paused in her advance for a second, expecting me to attack. _Not yet. Keep it together._ I couldn't keep this up for much longer.

"But no? Still to weak to do anything without your friends to back you up. Fine. Me, on the other hand? My _friends_ haven't got a patch on me." She stepped aside and gestured to the group behind her. "They do, however need some practise, before they get there hands on _lovely little Bella_."

I lost control. My jaw began frantic snapping and I ran right at her, my eyes blazing.

"Oh, and it looks like you've just offered to be our guinea pig."

"JACOB, NO!"

I heard nine different renditions of this thought by the pack. Jesus, even Colin and Brady were gonna fight. They were just kids.

I heard Sam and the first few members of the pack enter the clearing as I reached Victoria.

In a voice that could have been bored, she turned to the nearest couple of leaches and gave them their orders. "Destroy him. Whoever kills the dog will be rewarded."

Apparently, she thought it was going to be easy.

At that moment Sam burst through the trees dived ten feet in the air and closed his jaws around one of the bloodsuckers throats. There was a grating metallic screech, and Sam came away with it's head in his mouth. He flung it to the edge of the meadow. _She_ gave a screech of frustration.

"Kill them. Kill them all!"

All twenty or so vampires sprang into action. We were outnumbered two to one, even when all the pack was fighting. And that was without the red head. She was just stood there, with one other leech, watching. She barely batted an eyelid as she watched her troops get ripped apart. Literally.

I threw what was left of the bloodsucker I was fighting onto the ever growing pile and turned to face her. Slowly, I stalked towards her. I saw the malice in her eyes. Her partner stepped up to fight me, but she ushered him back.

"No, Riley. This one's mine."

She streaked forward, looking like a cat about to pounce. We began to circle. Then, bang! God, she was fast. I felt a hit to my right shoulder. I was flung five feet backwards. Glancing down, I was relieved. There seemed to be little damage, just a small cut that had already started to heal. I'd managed to twist out of the way at the last second, meaning she only skimmed me._ Still hurts like hell, though. _I hurried forward, eager to continue our fight. Again she was on top of me before I could do anything about it. This time, I flew ten feet in the air, doing a full three sixty turn. I heard sickening crunch in my right leg. That was going to hurt in the morning. Actually, that was hurting right now. I blocked out the pain the best I could and limped forward, cautious. I could see in her eyes, she thought she had me beat easy. And then Leah was there, behind her. Two on one. Together, slowly, we got on top of her. Every so often you would hear the metallic grating, as we tore small strips of flesh off of her. But it wasn't enough to relax. Not yet. I wouldn't be able to breathe properly until her head was in my mouth, and I was dancing round the fire where her body burned. As they finished with the others, more and more of the pack joined the fight. We were five on one, when I finally saw my opening. And in that instant, it was over. The fight stopped and her flames of hair were dangling from my mouth, her body crumpled on the floor. I added it to the to of one of the piles of body parts.

Quickly, I studied the clearing. I could see no signs of life, other than the pack, no danger. It was finished.

"Allow me to do the honours?" I thought.

"I'll help?" thought Leah. It was a peace offering.

"Sure, sure"

They all agreed.

I phased, taking the cut off's someone handed me as I'd not bothered to change out of mine before I phased, and accepting the lighter Sam nudged toward me with his nose.

I started on the opposite side as Leah, and we set fire to each pile. The thick purple smoke was almost choking. Even to my human nose, it smelled good. It smelt like victory.

Then at once, the whole pack was howling. I thought it was in celebration, and I turned to smile at them. But then Leah's shrill scream filled my ears. It was the most horrific noise I'd ever heard.

"Jacob! Look out!"

And too late, I turned to see the leech who'd hung back,who'd I'd forgotten all about. The one that bloodsucker had called, Riley, or whatever, as if it had feelings. He was running at me, closing the space quicker and quicker. I had no time. No time to phase, or run, or even move. He was on top of me. Then everything was black.


	12. Chapter 12

**12**

I tried to open my eyes, but all I could see was blurred shape and colours. I could feel the rough ground beneath my back. My ears were filled with the sounds of snapping jaws and screeching, but I couldn't hear it properly. It was as if I was under water. Someone had a hold of my hand, and was stroking my face.

"Bella?" I whispered.  
I couldn't recognise my voice. It was hoarse and weak.  
"No, Jake, it's me. It's Leah. Oh, God. Oh, God, what do I do? Your neck! What do I do?"

As soon as she said the words, could feel the pain. The ice that was taking over my whole body. That was freezing my blood and snapping my bones. Leah's touch was like fire, scorching my skin. I was overcome by emotion. Fear, resentment, anger. Hot tears spilled down my cheek, adding to the pain. Why now? After everything had got so good? I had Bella. I'd killed the leech. I was _happy. _It wasn't fair.

"Bella" I pleaded. "Bella, please?" I needed her.  
"Jacob. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can do. She's not here." Leah sounded close to hysterics. She had tears streaming down her face, the sobs choking her garbled apology. I could hear voices in the background. Shouting, arguing, but I couldn't hear the words. I tried again to speak.

"Bella! I need...Bella"  
I was fighting to keep my eyes open.  
Leah threw herself onto my chest, and carried on her hysteric sobs, still trying to apologise.  
And suddenly I was yelling.  
"BELLA! Bella, please."  
At once the arguing stopped. I was surrounded by my pack.  
"You're going to be fine, Jake" said Seth, tears streaming down his face.  
"We love you, Bro. Always. Remember, yeah?"  
I nodded. I didn't know who had spoken.

One last try. "Bella...?"  
It came out as a twisted, dry, sob. It was impossible to miss the begging in my voice. Fresh tears streamed down my face.

As I watched Quil kneel by my side, slowly prising Leah away from my chest, and felt Embry and Seth gently lifting me fro the ground, I felt the last of the heat leave my body.


	13. Chapter 13

**14  
**

I blinked for the first time in what seemed like hours. I was made aware of my surroundings when I heard Charlie's voice outside of the house. He was talking to someone, but I couldn't tell who. I could guess the topic of conversation anyway, and I didn't want to listen. Sometime between my arrival and now, the sky had darkened to almost black, and the mass of people that had filled the room had disappeared. I was alone with Jacob.

"I can't believe... Jacob. I don't think it's hit me yet. I'm just in total shock." I heard Charlie struggling to string a sentence together.  
"Is Bella...?"  
"How do you think? She won't leave his side. She won't answer anyone. She hasn't eaten or drank or slept. She hasn't moved for hours. She's had tears running down her face ever since she found out. Charlie, I don't even think she realises. She just keeps saying 'Not again. Not Jacob.' She looks like she's lost her soul."  
I heard sharp intake of breath, and a defeated moan from Charlie. "No. Not again."

I couldn't listen any more.


	14. Chapter 14

**14  
**

I blinked for the first time in what seemed like hours. I was made aware of my surroundings when I heard Charlie's voice outside of the house. He was talking to someone, but I couldn't tell who. I could guess the topic of conversation anyway, and I didn't want to listen. Sometime between my arrival and now, the sky had darkened to almost black, and the mass of people that had filled the room had disappeared. I was alone with Jacob.

"I can't believe... Jacob. I don't think it's hit me yet. I'm just in total shock." I heard Charlie struggling to string a sentence together.  
"Is Bella...?"  
"How do you think? She won't leave his side. She won't answer anyone. She hasn't eaten or drank or slept. She hasn't moved for hours. She's had tears running down her face ever since she found out. Charlie, I don't even think she realises. She just keeps saying 'Not again. Not Jacob.' She looks like she's lost her soul."  
I heard sharp intake of breath, and a defeated moan from Charlie. "No. Not again."

I couldn't listen any more.


	15. Chapter 15

**15  
**

My eyes snapped open as I heard my door thud softly shut. I Didn't know where I was. Slowly, the familiar room sharpened in the dark as I recognised the walls of my room. Jacob had gone. I'd left him. Forever. The grief hit me again. A strangled, tearing sound escaped my throat. My whole body shook as revulsion had pulsed through me. What had I done? I had made sure I put Jake through every kind of pain. After everything he'd done for me – running around my house in the dead of night, spending less and less time with the pack to be with me, I'd still needed more. He'd had to die protecting me! I truly hated myself. It seemed everyone I loved was hurt or pushed away, and made to leave one way or another. I was a monster.

And Jacob, oh Jake, was so good and kind. I held my pillow over my face to try and stifle my sobs, but it was no use. It was like trying to blow out a bonfire. I brought my knees up to my chest an wrapped my arms around my stomach. And then I remembered. I was having_ our _baby. I had Jacobs _child_ inside of me. And he'd never even known it. I felt my sobs turn into hysterics. I knew in that instant that would keep it. How could I get rid of the last remaining thing I had of Jake? But what life could give a child? I was only eighteen. And how would my child grow up, knowing I was responsible for the death of their father, and not hate me? Well, I deserved it. I deserved to hated. I would make sure I let my little baby know just how good Jake was.

I didn't sleep. I didn't move. I wasn't aware of what was going on. I didn't see the sun begin to rise, until I heard scrabbling at my window. It reminded me of a time, just a few months ago, before I'd known Jake's secret. When He wanted to tell me he could still be in my life.  
It couldn't be..?  
I knew it. I knew he could never be dead.  
He promised, he promised he's never leave me.  
I struggled to my feet, still cradling my stomach, and half walked, half crawled to my window. As I undid the catch, I felt strong hands slide the window open.  
A body climbed into my room.  
I looked up into the pained eyes that were looking at me with such apology.  
"Bella, I'm here. I'm here." murmured Edward. "I'm so sorry, honey. I'm so sorry."


	16. Chapter 16

**Apologies for the mammoth time between updates. Things are very hectic atm :) as usual, I don't own twilight. Bummer, huh?**

**16**

Edward? Edward.  
My sobs stopped. The air in my lungs froze.  
"Edward...?" I rasped.  
"Yes, I'm here. Oh Bella, I'm here. I'm so sorry for what I did. Please forgive me."  
He rushed to my side and gently lifted me from the floor.

I struggled to process his words. _Sorry for what he did...?  
_Oh. He wasn't talking about being sorry for Jacob.  
He probably didn't even know.  
I shook my head, still struggling to breathe and unable to talk.  
"No, don't shake your head. I made the biggest mistake I-"  
"Stop! NO!"  
The anger in my voice made him stop talking.  
His expression was hurt. But at this moment, my brain couldn't register the guilt. I didn't care. Jacob was dead. _My Jacob._ I didn't need this. I didn't want it. Him standing there, reminding me of all the pain, past resent and future. I just couldn't take it.  
With all my strength, physical and mental, I pushed him from me.  
"Please, Bella, just listen to me...?"  
"I...you... Jacob... NO. Get out. Now. I can't, I can't"  
"Jacob? I don't understand..?"  
Jacob, Jacob Jacob. Oh god. The hysterics started again. Edward look startled.  
"Okay, okay, Bella, love, I'm leaving."

He gave me one last pained look and turned, clambering silently out of my window.  
I collapsed on my bed and sank back into my dark abyss.


	17. Chapter 17

**17  
Edward**

I ran just a short distance into the trees before I collapsed. The tree I flung myself against immediately gave way, but I didn't care. She didn't love me. I got what I wanted. She'd moved on. I hadn't realised just how much I had truly believed that she wouldn't. I had lied to myself so much, so deeply, so well, that I'd believed it on the surface. And each day I'd been away, the truth belief got stronger and closer to the surface. I'd committed to something that, subconsciously, I believed would destroy both of us. I was repulsive. A monster. My breaths grew sharp and scratching in my chest. My eyes itched, dry and painful. I knew if it were possible, I would be crying, sobbing hysterically. And what had she said? Jacob...? What had happened? When I approached her house I had been too distracted to pay even the slightest amount of attention to Charlie's thoughts, but now, I remembered. He had been thinking about Jacob Black too. And he had seemed sad. Maybe it was something more. As the hours dwindled on, this little mystery began to annoy me. Is this who Bella had chosen? Was this the boy who had ruined my life? Mentally, I scolded my self. It wasn't right to blame a boy. I had destroyed my life single handedly. But I had to know. Without paying attention to what I was doing, or where my feet were taking my, just concentrating on the fact that this little act filled up a tiny amount of the empty, pointless horizon of my future, I made my way towards Bella's house. Carefully keeping out of view of any of the windows, so that I had no chance of catching a glimpse of Bella, which I knew I could never handle, at least for a long, long time, I approached the kitchen. I concentrate hard for the sound of Charlie's mental voice. It was moments before I realised that, had Charlie been in or near the house, I wouldn't have had to be this close to here it. I would have heard it in the trees. I crept to the front door and carefully smelled the air. I recognised fresh Charlie's scent, mixed painfully with Bella's. I concentrated on the first, and followed, running at speed in the cover of the trees that wound alongside the road. It took little more than five minutes to catch up with him. I concentrated harder than ever before on his thoughts, which, even for Charlie, were vague and unconcentrated. He was in shock, I think. And there was obvious pain, sadness and grief on his thoughts.  
"Jake, dead..?" he said aloud, in disbelief. His voice shook.

I dropped behind. This poor boy, who Bella so obviously loved, was dead. And very recently, judging by Charlie's shock. She'd been grieving for him, and I'd just strolled in, apologising for abandoning her, and expecting, however foolishly, and no matter how much I tried to convince my self other wise, a much warmer return.


	18. Chapter 18

**18  
Bella  
September 27th**

I had been sat in the middle of the church yard in front of Jacobs grave for the past three hours. I couldn't believe that it was six months today. In some ways the time had flown, - it only seemed like yesterday that I'd sat in Jakes kitchen, with his arms wrapped around my waist. But then, especially recently, each individual day seemed to drag on. I had little else to fill my life with now. I reached into my pocket and retrieved the letter I wrote to Jake, and placed it carefully under the vase of flowers that had been left by Sue.  
"I love you Jacob." I whispered to him "I miss you more everyday. I'll be back soon, I promise." I got to my feet, with difficulty. I placed a hand on my huge stomach. I was due to give birth to my baby in just under three months time.

I felt a strong kick under my hand. A soft laugh escaped my lips. "There, there, my little JJ. Say goodbye to your Daddy."  
"JJ?"  
The voice made me jump. My head whipped round. Edward stood in front of me. The shock obviously showed on my face.  
"Sorry," he said softly. " I didn't mean to startle you.  
I gave him an awkward smile. I'd seen him only two other times since the night he came back. Both events had been strained, to say the least.  
"It's fine," I assured him, impatiently. "Why are you here?" My question came out as an accusation. I blushed in apology.  
"I wanted to pay my respects" he said solemnly. "And I... I hoped I might find you here."  
I gave a small, sad sigh. I didn't want to do this right now, not on this day. But Edward deserved an explanation. Despite my rudeness, after my cruel dismissal that first night, and my constant frostiness ever since, he had been nothing but the perfect gentleman. Of course.  
"Can we go somewhere?" I asked.  
Edward nodded and smiled hesitantly."I'd like that. There's so many things I need to say to you."

Twenty minutes later, we were sat in one of the few café's in forks. He had suggested that we go to his house, or mine, but I refused. I didn't like to bring back old memories. After ordering a coffee for me, we sat at a table in the corner of the room and looked at each other. He made as if to speak but I gestured for him to stop.  
"Please, don't say anything, yet. I would like to speak first. I'd appreciate it if you didn't interrupt. Is that okay?" Mentally, I wondered why we had been so formal the last few times we had spoke. It was almost robotic, and very uncomfortable.  
He pretended to zip his lips and nodded at me.  
"First of all, I'd like to apologise." He went to interrupt, but then remembered his promise to keep quiet, so just sat back and shook his head. I continued. "I shouldn't of been rude to you the last few times I have seen you, but I'm sure you can understand why, so I hope you'll forgive me." He nodded, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
"And then, Edward, I... Well, I know how you fell. I know what you want for us, to be together again, and I'm sorry. I'm not going to say I don't still love you, because I do. Every time I see you my stomach jumps ten feet in the air, and forget to breathe. For a time, you were my whole world. But then you left. You've explained, and I understand - you were doing it to protect me, you thought you were making my life better for it, but you still left. And it ripped me apart. I didn't live any more, I just existed. For months, I could barely function. If it wasn't for Charlie, I wouldn't have got up in morning, I wouldn't have left the house, I wouldn't have moved. I carried on pretending for him. And then I had Jacob, and he made me feel better for the first time in a long time. He did the most amazing thing, and made me smile, even laugh. And slowly, I began to need him like I needed air. He was my sun. when he...died" I swallowed the lump in my throat and held back the tears. "Well, something in me changed. Jacob was one of the last things I had left. And he was stolen from me. Torn from beneath me when I needed him the most. I mean, hell, I'm pregnant with his baby. I just feel like, I've had so much taken from me, had my life... _broken,_ so many times, I don't know if I'll ever be able to be with anybody that way again. We love each other Edward, but it just isn't enough."

He was quiet for a long. He sat, stone still, holding his head in his hands, thinking hard. I sat and watched, guilt twinging in my stomach. Finally, he looked up into my eyes, and tried painfully to smile.  
"Okay. I respect your decision, Bella. You already know how much I love you and care for you, but I can't do anything other than let you know that. If you don't believe we can be together now, There s nothing I can do to change that. However, I would ask, can we try to be friends, at least?"  
I looked at him with pitying eyes.  
I could never imagine me and Edward as friends.

Even from the very beginning, it had always been something more.  
The doubt was apparent on my face.  
"Please , Bella," he almost begged. "Let us just try. If, at any moment, it gets to much, I'll leave. I'll disappear, for however long you need. Let us just try."  
And though my head was screaming in protest, I smiled and him and gave a tiny nod.  
"We can try." I whispered doubtfully.


End file.
